Journey Inside My Mind ™

It’s not that I’ve just found this; it’s been sitting in our bookshelf collecting dust.

I’ve kept journals over the years, but the one I’ve held onto from high school – out of  all the ones I could have held onto – is this one from my junior year College Prep English class at Mount Healthy High School, with Mr. Burns.

Mr. Burns came into that class after first quarter of that year, replacing  a teacher that many kids and parents didn’t like. And he made us write. And write. And write some more.

One of the things he made us write was this journal. I always tried to figure out what to write, and he kept telling me that my entries were too much like a diary. As a teenager, and as an adult, I’ve used my writing as a way of searching out what goes on inside me.  This blog is called “Journey Inside My Mind”.

Finding and re-reading this journal provides a glimpse into who I was at 16-17, with all my insecurities and (although I wouldn’t have agreed at the time) immature thinking. But I see the promise of some things that have remained with me since that time.

One of the last entries in this journal is from Wednesday, May 20, 1987. We must have been talking about quotations, and Mr. Burns had charged us to come up with some of our own. Here’s what the young man I was at 17 came up with:

On bragging:

“We need more people who don’t open their mouths and put their “feats” in them.

On subjects:

It’s amazing that people are able to fail a subject in which our native tongue is taught.

On religion:

I have noticed that you pious people are always arguing. Why don’t you worry about convincing non-believers instead of each other?

On music:

Pleasant music annoints the soul and soothes the nerves.

On grades:

Grades are just labels which sometimes prove that school is not for learning. Too often a student would do anything to get a good grade, and sometimes that means not learning the material, remembering it, and being able to recall it.

On procrastination:

Procrastination is like acid. The only neutralizing agent is organization and timing.

On the opposite sex:

The perfect man / woman is an ideal. All men / women strive to be like him / her, but only a few ever succeed in the quest.

On the very last page, I found this quotation from one of my classmates:

To some a relationship is like tennis: after someone scores, it’s no longer love. — R. Combs

Something totally random
about the words streaming
from my head
from a tired mind
longing for the rest that
comes once the eyelids
close

Inspired words perhaps
from the heart
as an overflow
inspired by creative
sounds and music
and thoughts

These words uttered
so quickly as in a spurt
have been laid down
without abandon
finished when done.

– Daniel Johnson, Jr., 2009

Photo credit, Stuck in Customs

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Time for a true “journey inside my mind“…

Since the beginning of this year I have been bouncing back and forth from Cincinnati – where I live – to Dayton, where I work. That long commute has made me a “captive audience” for a lot of portable, on-demand programming (affectionately known as “podcasts”). I usually listen to music podcasts at work so that I can concentrate on my programming duties, and I like to listen to talk-type programming during the commute.

There are some programs I listen to only because I like to hear the passion in the podcasters’ voices. I could care less about the content, and in many ways, I really don’t like it at all. What I DO like, however, is the passion and excitement they convey, whether it’s from ranting about something that bugs them, or extolling the praises of something they love.

I noticed again on the commute up to work that I’d gotten distracted from the program I was listening and was thinking of my own ideas for things. It’s not that the content was boring me; au contraire mon frere! As often is the case, I heard something on one of these programs and it sparked some creativity.

My iRiver has a recorder on it, and I’ve often recorded my thoughts to capture them for later.

Where are you the most creative?

Related tags: journey+inside+my+mind, journeyinsidemymind, jimm, daniel+johnson+jr, commute, creativity, idea+generation, cincinnati, dayton, podcasting

Mood: medicated
Listening to: Jennie getting ready for work, Keisha getting ready for bed
Eating: turkey, dressing, broccoli, carrots
Watching: Treasure Planet

A similar post at Across the Pond! gave me the idea to do this post:

30 years ago. My mom and dad got divorced. I was 6 and my sister was 4. We moved in with Mom, and I abruptly switched school. I was in the 1st grade.

20 years ago. The Challenger space shuttle blew up. I was a sophomore in high school. My favorite class was English with Ms. Phillips. She made us write 1-page position papers. After the space shuttle blew up, I wrote a poem called “Confusion” and left it under my chair. Ms. Phillips found it and gave it back to me, showing her appreciation.

15 years ago. I had turned 21 years old. For my birthday my housemates took me out to an early dinner, and I got a martini or something to drink. I was working in the Detroit, Michigan area as part of the co-op program for engineering at the University of Cincinnati. I felt alone and needed God.

10 years ago. Jennie and I were about to celebrate our 1-year anniversary in Dayton, Ohio. We went on vacation back to Detroit, Michigan, came home and bought our first set of furniture. Later that year, we found out Jennie was pregnant.

5 years ago. I was working as a IT consultant in the Cincinnat and Dayton areas. We had moved back to Dayton after buying a house. I was working in Cincinnati on September 11th, and I wound up leaving work early to be with Jennie and Keisha.

3 years ago. I’d been blogging for over a year. I was battling another sinus infection. Dayton, Ohio was celebrating the 100th anniversary of flight. Jennie and I saw The Matrix: Reloaded.

Last year. We had just gotten a cat and were trying to get used to her. Sith happened. Things were a little subdued at work. The weather was unseasonably cold, and I was congested.

This year. I’ve been podcasting for almost 9 months. Our car died. I became an uncle-again. I’ve had some serious back pain and got a lumbar injection. Millions of people around the world celebrated my birthday by eating colored hard-boiled eggs, candy, and going to worship at the church of their choice.

Yesterday. It was unseasonably cold. I got an upper respiratory infection, and spent most of the day in bed.

Today. I went to the doctor and found out I have an upper respiratory infection and an earache. I spent most of the day in bed.

Tomorrow. Probably more of the same. Our apartment complex is having a yard sale.

In this audio post I read another original poem about dealing with perfectionism:

You can read the full text of this poem at Streams of Consciousness | Broken Things.

In this audio post we take a detour over to one of my other blogs and read and original poem:

To read the original poem entitled “The Phone Rings”, head over to the corresponding post at Streams of Consciousness | The Phone Rings.

Mood: Deliberate

Listening to: Local album-oriented rock station, WTUE, 104.7

Reading: GIS for Everyone

Eating: bran cereal with raisins

Watching: Man on Fire, starring Denzel Washington

Thanks. I think it’s interesting to review the recent referrer log:

• My Life, the blog of Karen Rasmussen, who happens to be the Official Goof of Journey Inside My Mind
• Unravelled, the blog of IreneQ, who happens to be the Official Blogger of Introspection of Journey Inside My Mind
• Yahoo Search: Does Mary Kate Olsen Self-Injure
• Yahoo Search: A Journey Through My Mind
• Blogzil, a blog about all things Brazil
• A blog that shows mostly ‘?’ to me
• Blogger Home Page
• Yahoo Search: Information on jr tolkien, as opposed to J.R. Ewing, I guess
• Dan’s Links, a page containing a lot of my favorite links
• Google Search: Dan Johnson Jr — I would be he
• Google Search: “not all who wander are lost” bible — not in the Bible, but currently in the Title bar of this blog, yep
• Yahoo search: it’s not about the destination, but the journey along the way quotes — hmm, that might make a good tagline…
• Google Search: rich hopkins whio: at one time Rich Hopkins had a talk show on the local talk radio station WHIO
• Yahoo search: all about Mary-kate and Ashley Olsen’s family (mom, dad, and stepmother): you know, there’s not a lot of info about them in this blog, but I suppose my incessant acknowledgement of that fact encourages further inquiry, huh?
• Google Search: dan johnson: that’s my name (and that of others, too)
• Dashbar Search: dan johnson
• Google Search: inside my mind videos- nope, none of that here
• Google Search: Dan Johnson — apparently someone likes searching my name
• Blogger Profile Page for Dan Johnson – where you’ll see fun facts about me that you can use to amaze your friends
• Overture Search (via NetZero): uncle sam’s almanac
• Google Search: compulsive scab picking
• Google Search: captain kirk captain’s log
• Yahoo Search: Steeler Christmas Songs
• A Little Ludwig Goes A Long Way, blog by John Ludwig, an alumnus from The Ohio State University, specific link to Ohio jokes
• Yahoo Search: inside the mind of a person who don’t know whether to be with the Lord or not
• Google Search: scab picking
• Blog: Hot or Not? — steaming, baby, steaming
• Popdex citation: cleaning pennies with taco sauce – just in case you ever have the need
• We’re Taking Bets That… this blog is humorous and intelligent enough to link to me – 8D!
• MSN Search: Journey inside
• Yahoo Search: tim lake blog ohio
• My Web Search: journeyinsidemymind.blogspot.com – found me you have
• Google Search: scab picking
• Yahoo Search: johnson Suicide september 2004
• Yahoo Search: bank tellers replace by automated teller machine year 2000
• Yahoo Search: mary-kate olsen’s mysterious scar
• Letters to God, one-sided communication between me and my God
• MSN Search: Wander Guard Departure Alert Systems Portable Series
• Google Search: “tooth came out” tugging
• Bionic Ear Blog, meryl’s experience of gaining a new and improved ear via a cochlear implant
• Yahoo search: tolkien sweet is the sound of the pouring rain
• Wal*Mart Connect Search: free internet call waiting
• Google Search: “dan johnson” bipolar
• AvantFind: aerobatic clip movie
• Yahoo Search: poem for an 60 year old grandpa that a child would say to their grandpa
• Frequently Asked Questions – danimal0416, where you can find the answer to those burning questions about me
• Yahoo Search: burlap to cashmere free download of basic instructions
• Yahoo search: “obsessive compulsive disorder” “children”
• Google Search: celebrity for a day who would you choose and why
• Johnson Family Home Page
• MSN Search: superbowl 36 halftime u2 songs played
• Yahoo Search: the percentage of obese people in the United States of America in the year 2004
• Start.shaw.ca Search: What we are inside
• MSN Search: “Mary Kate Olsen” “eating disorder” assess
• Google Search: so angry
• Google Search: my mind is my light

Rob’s Amazing Poem Generator produced this poem, based on this blog:

Journey Inside My ! life, Bene Diction

Blogs On

Scab Picking So incredible ! ! ! !

You would do work I cannot

control/I can control I am so much

more

on his roommate Matt H. yesterday

morning, to tease him and the place Let

me Myself, am so sorry, the Official Mom

Happy

birthday!card,

write so much time The voice

of the earth will be crossposted

to you, need to work? at

the bathroom,

and soda, which help create rounded corners depend

on the trimmings. The Israelites did that

I would ask The

weekend and so we switched from it */ I told her

eye thus

saith Dan Johnson, Jr. Jazzmania

Productions, Ltd. Keeping the Past Week

I was in place.

It’s been 18 years since we saw the space shuttle Challenger burst into flames during its liftoff January 28, 1986: I remember hearing about it from a classmate in high school, and thinking he was out of his mind. My dad later confirmed it as he picked me up from the library, where I’d walked after school.

• Last year’s remarks in the ‘Journey’
• Confusion, a poem I wrote January 28, 1986, the day after the disaster
• It’s a bit ironic that this article about the ill-fated shuttle Columbia appeared in the news this time last year.

Continuing the Journey

Tomorrow I have a therapist appointment. I posted some thoughts in a poem entitled “Reflection” to “Streams of Consciousness”.

At the last meeting, the therapist recommended I get some “stress balls” to keep my hands busy instead of picking. I did that, and, if I have them nearby, I’ve found them to be helpful.

Speaking of Self-Injury, I found this great article entitled “When Pain Is All You Have,” which you may want to read to get a better understanding of self harm. I also found this article/message board thread on WebMD that contains ways others keep themselves safe (i.e., what to do instead of self-injury).

Note: the next few paragraphs contain details of self harm and may contain triggers for those who may be vulnerable.

Last night, however, I started messing with a scab on my wrist. It was close to being healed, and I started picking the scab off it. Eventually, I saw that if I continued to squeeze the area, the blood blister underneath would pop. It did. Then I saw how thick the scarry skin around the scab was. I decided to bite it in order to make it smoother. Of course there was some bleeding.

I looked for the hydrogen peroxide, which I usually administer after an episode like this, but I couldn’t find it. I took a wad of toilet paper, soaked it in cold water, and applied it to the wound so that the bleeding would slow and stop. Then I found the Band-Aid™ Liquid Bandage kit and applied the liquid bandage to the area.

Relics, Family Heirlooms, Souvenirs

Mom‘s cleaned out a jewelry case that my Dad gave her before they were married. It was the first gift he’d given her. Tonight Mom gave it to Keisha.

Some of the items she’s given me from it include:

A Good Samaritan Hospital bracelet I wore for one of my operations when I was very young. It’s inscription says:


JOHNSON, DANIEL A., JR. 301703–5
DR. J. IBANEZ/E. GAW (C) 04

• A pair of cuff links that my maternal grandfather, Charles H. Mitchell used to wear
• A tie tack I received for my First Communion at Corpus Christi Catholic church when I was in 3rd grade
• Obituary clipping for my cousin Richie Johnson, who passed away when he was only 2 months old. It reads:
  

  Richie Johnson
  Richie Lee Johnson, 2-month-old son of Mr. and Mrs. Donald E. Johnson, of 822 Nesslewood Ave., died Wednesday in his home. Also surviving are his brother, Donald E., Jr.; grandparents, Mrs. Delphine Johnson and Mr. and Mrs. Virgil Erwin, and great-grandparents, Mrs. Mabel McGraw and Mr. and Mrs. Casper Ciaciuch. Graveside services will be today at 2 p.m. in Calvary Cemetery. Arrangements are by the Abele Mortuary.

• My mom’s first application for her driver’s license, dated August 31, 1973, which was just before her 21st birthday. Her handwriting hasn’t changed that much over the years.
• A cloth ring my Dad gave her instead of a real wedding ring, because he couldn’t afford one yet.
• A poem my Dad’s sister, my aunt Beckie, wrote, entitled “Mom, You’re an Angel.” I’ll post it in a separate entry.

Ad-libbed by the Danimal this day, 27 July 2003, in the year of our Lord:

The beard is gone
The mustache, too
It was just something
I had to do

For I tugged and pulled
At my chinny-chin-chin
‘Twas quite a state
I found myself in

Then with scissors in hand
I moved quickly
Until my face
Not clean-shaven but prickly

To bed I retired
To my wife I did say
A surprise for you
I’ll have the next day

Then waking did she
From that restful place
My eyes were opened
And I showed her my face

To work I drove her
With grace and speed
Then to the shower
Where I’d finish the deed

With no mirror to guide me
I lathered and shaved
Hoping and praying
My neck would be saved

Then finished were we
With no time to spare
Yes, even no time
To do Keisha’s hair

Mom stayed behind
Her rest she did need
Keisha and I
Our bellies did feed

Reflecting am I
On this brand-new me
I’ve had this beard
Since before January

Son, says my Mom,
Before we handle our hunger,
Your clean-shaven face
Makes you look five years younger!

How long will this last
I sit here and think
How long will my face
Stay clean and pink?

A short time or long
The answer’s not clear
I’ll be me,
So there’s nothing to fear

I do not know who wrote the poem below. It was inside a memorial flyer we picked up at the recent visitation for a friend:

Don’t grieve for me, for now I’m free;
I’m following the path God laid for me.
I took His hand when I heard Him call;
I turned my back and left it all.

I could not stay another day,
to laugh, to love, to work or play.
Tasks left undone must stay that way;
I found that place at the close of day.

If my parting has left a void, then fill it with
remembered joy. A friendship shared, a laugh,
a kiss; Ah yes, these things, I too, will miss.

Be not burdened with times of sorrow;
I wish you the sunshine of tomorrow.
My life’s been full, I savored much;
Good friends, good times, a loved one’s touch.

Perhaps my time seemed all too brief;
Don’t lengthen it now with undue grief.
Lift up your heart and share with me;
God wanted me now. He set me free.

I do not know who wrote the poem below. It was inside the funeral announcement I picked up at a recent visitation:

When God calls little children to dwell
with him above. We mortals sometimes
question the wisdom of His love.
For no heartache compares with
the death of one small child.
Who does so much to make our world
seem wonderful and mild.
Perhaps God tires of calling the aged to His fold.
So He picks a rosebud before it can grow old.
God knows how much we need them,
and so he makes but a few.
To make the hand of Heaven
more beautiful to view.
Believing this is difficult,
still somehow we must try.
The saddest word mankind know will
always be goodbye.
So when a little child departs,
we who are left behind,
must realize God love children.
Angels are hard to find.

Jennie and I attended the visitation for the three people killed in the automobile crash this past Sunday. It was a heart-wrenching experience:

The line to see and be with the dearly departed extended outside the funeral home.

Kieran

As soon as we got to where the caskets were, I saw Kieran. She was dressed in a nice outfit, wearing a baby hat. A baby blanket was placed over her. Sunday was her one-year old birthday. She was born and she died on the same day, one year exactly. We had met her parents before when they visited our church with Sarah and Bill. Her parents are in their early to to mid twenties, and they remained beside her casket as people came in. Kieran’s mother clutched one of her daughter’s stuffed toys, and both she and her husband openly wept aloud. They said they were grateful that they had her for as long as they did, but it was obvious that there would still be a lot of grieving.

Sarah

The next casket down was Sarah’s. She was only 22 years old. It had been awhile since I’d last seen her. I believe it was late last summer, at their oldest son Kade’s 3 year old birthday party in a park. The funeral home did a wonderful job with her makeup and outfit. Yet, for some reason, I could tell she didn’t look the same. This gave me a little bit of an idea how horrific the accident was.

Hayden

In the last casket was Hayden, Bill and Sarah’s youngest son, 20 months old, born just six days after the terrorist attacks of September 11, 2001. He looked different, too from what I remember. He was dressed in a “little-man” outfit.

Bill

Bill remained by his and Sarah’s caskets. He said that he had been going through a cycle of emotions. I told him that I didn’t know what to say. My mom had given me an envelope with some words she’d written for him. I handed it to him, and he placed it in his suit jacket.

Good Can Come From This

If there can be any good to come from this, it may be that the two babies never had an opportunity to grow up and reject God. Sarah had been a disciple of Jesus Christ, and we can pray that her heart was right with God.

Memorial Poems

Inside the memorial flyers, along with the details of the three individuals, were two poems that I’m going to post: Little Angels and I’m Free.

Below is a sample of search words and phrases typed into search engines recently that wound up finding this weblog. I created a TinyURL for ones that I thought were provocative enough to merit a look-see:

• swiffer wet jet coupon
• digital hq on msn
• “Challenger disaster” survive decent
• cure depression in a day
• self mutilation pictures
• video clip Mel Gibson crucifixion
• willy wonka myers briggs
• Access denied by control list
• 403 Access Forbidden
• Keanu Reeves hot photos
• inside the mind
• swiffer poem
• Dan Johnson
• FREE DOWNLOADABLE myer briggs test
• ADHD testing Dayton jail
• ocpd and movie
• my mind
• inside my mind
• bipolar meds make your mind stop racing
• “mel gibson” passion “video clip” jesus
• David A. Seamand
• Bette Midlers The Rose instrumental version
• effexor forum newsgroup
• suffocating from smell of poop
• listen “Paula Zahn” commercial sexy
• ericka armour
• pinesol stains on carpet
• feed my mind
• Journey Inside My Mind
• dealling with children lost to the street
• error 403 forbidden struts help
• mary kate olsen’s eating disorder
• what is mary kate and ashley olsen’s address so that you can write to them
• lexapro getting high drinking alcohol
• Not Meant For Me Wayne Static of Static free download
• “i will” not let anyone walk through my mind with their dirty feet
• jokes related to a journey
• slow leak amniotic fluid

This poem is something the kids at Keisha’s school recite at the beginning of every day. I do not know who wrote it. It’s much more inspiring than the song they sing about their school, which I personally find to be just plain silly:

I am somebody.
I am capable and loveable.
I am teachable, therefore I can learn.
I can do anything when I try.
I respect myself and others.
I’ll be the best that I can be each day.
I will not waste time, because it is too
valuable, and I am too precious and bright.
I am somebody.

I don’t really know for sure, but there is something strange going with this poem generator.

Journey Inside My Mind

Journey Inside there. for
something interesting… Frequently Asked me know that, in the
only Sinus infections.
been up later when somebody came to God currently number 1059 ,
QuotesBlog currently number 1163 have not.
happy Birthday, Mark
C.

Thanks to Mark C. Morris, better known as The Official Iowan, for the link.

Checking the referrer logs for QuotesBlog, I’m not surprised that a number of the referring pages were web searches. What did intrigue me is what people were searching for. Consider the following:

• google search: duke of wellingtion on ben franklin
• yahoo search: quotation compass love
• daypop search: aaron brown
• google search 100th Birthday Quotes
• google search: quotes from sandra day o’connor
• aol search: quotation and “failure is not an option”
• google search: Hubert Humphrey quotation society
• google search: quotation ghandi
• yahoo search: time flies like an arrow quotation
• google search: quotes from Father Flanagan
• msn search: i need a quote
• google search: quotes belittle ambitions
• google search: Hannah Senesh Quotation
• google search: quotes about kurt vonnegut
• google search: beryl pfizer
• google search: chuck barris quotes
• google search: quotation on overcoming obstacles in love
• google search: margaret mead poem sensitivity
• google search: Coco Chanel quotation
• yahoo search: the quote ordinary people in extraordinary circumstances
• yahoo search: prom quotation
• google search: proverbs on teamwork and jack welch
• yahoo search: quotes about rejection
• google search: quotes growing
• google search: quote and “a writer is someone for whom writing is more difficult”
• google search: listener quotes
• google search: ghandi saying
• google search: Jack paar quotation
• google search: woolf friendship quotation
• google search: father flanagan quotes
• msn search: blog quotes
• msn search: quotation lion
• google search: “see further” stand shoulders quotation
• msn search: quotation on ignoring your feelings
• msn search: quotation on ignoring your feelings
• google search: mark twain quotes vice
• yahoo search: love ingredient quotation
• google search:”I do not know what course others may take, but as for me, give me liberty or give me death!”
• msn search: encouraging quotations to success
• google search: ghandi quotation
• msn search: quotation about u
• aol search: sayings of ghandi
• google search: dag hammarskjold quotation
• google, ca search: dove and trust
• google search: Ruckelshaus The family is the building block for whatever
• google search: clever wine sayings
• yahoo search: toni morrison and quotes

Somehow you all got there, and perhaps you found what you were looking for. Others decided to link back. For this I thank you.

Yahoo! News – Shuttle Crew Calls Station, Workers Recall Challenger Disaster

I remember, in the days following the Challenger Space Shuttle explosion, a boatload of emotions. I still can recall portions of President Reagan’s address to the nation. In an effort to deal with how I was feeling, I penned a poem, which I entitled “Confusion”. I recently posted it to “Streams of Consciousness”. Please check it out when you get a moment.

2005 Update: removed reference to an obsolete Yahoo! link.