It’s not that I’ve just found this; it’s been sitting in our bookshelf collecting dust.

I’ve kept journals over the years, but the one I’ve held onto from high school – out of  all the ones I could have held onto – is this one from my junior year College Prep English class at Mount Healthy High School, with Mr. Burns.

Mr. Burns came into that class after first quarter of that year, replacing  a teacher that many kids and parents didn’t like. And he made us write. And write. And write some more.

One of the things he made us write was this journal. I always tried to figure out what to write, and he kept telling me that my entries were too much like a diary. As a teenager, and as an adult, I’ve used my writing as a way of searching out what goes on inside me.  This blog is called “Journey Inside My Mind”.

Finding and re-reading this journal provides a glimpse into who I was at 16-17, with all my insecurities and (although I wouldn’t have agreed at the time) immature thinking. But I see the promise of some things that have remained with me since that time.

One of the last entries in this journal is from Wednesday, May 20, 1987. We must have been talking about quotations, and Mr. Burns had charged us to come up with some of our own. Here’s what the young man I was at 17 came up with:

On bragging:

“We need more people who don’t open their mouths and put their “feats” in them.

On subjects:

It’s amazing that people are able to fail a subject in which our native tongue is taught.

On religion:

I have noticed that you pious people are always arguing. Why don’t you worry about convincing non-believers instead of each other?

On music:

Pleasant music annoints the soul and soothes the nerves.

On grades:

Grades are just labels which sometimes prove that school is not for learning. Too often a student would do anything to get a good grade, and sometimes that means not learning the material, remembering it, and being able to recall it.

On procrastination:

Procrastination is like acid. The only neutralizing agent is organization and timing.

On the opposite sex:

The perfect man / woman is an ideal. All men / women strive to be like him / her, but only a few ever succeed in the quest.

On the very last page, I found this quotation from one of my classmates:

To some a relationship is like tennis: after someone scores, it’s no longer love. — R. Combs

Something totally random
about the words streaming
from my head
from a tired mind
longing for the rest that
comes once the eyelids
close

Inspired words perhaps
from the heart
as an overflow
inspired by creative
sounds and music
and thoughts

These words uttered
so quickly as in a spurt
have been laid down
without abandon
finished when done.

– Daniel Johnson, Jr., 2009

Photo credit, Stuck in Customs

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Time for a true “journey inside my mind“…

Since the beginning of this year I have been bouncing back and forth from Cincinnati – where I live – to Dayton, where I work. That long commute has made me a “captive audience” for a lot of portable, on-demand programming (affectionately known as “podcasts”). I usually listen to music podcasts at work so that I can concentrate on my programming duties, and I like to listen to talk-type programming during the commute.

There are some programs I listen to only because I like to hear the passion in the podcasters’ voices. I could care less about the content, and in many ways, I really don’t like it at all. What I DO like, however, is the passion and excitement they convey, whether it’s from ranting about something that bugs them, or extolling the praises of something they love.

I noticed again on the commute up to work that I’d gotten distracted from the program I was listening and was thinking of my own ideas for things. It’s not that the content was boring me; au contraire mon frere! As often is the case, I heard something on one of these programs and it sparked some creativity.

My iRiver has a recorder on it, and I’ve often recorded my thoughts to capture them for later.

Where are you the most creative?

Related tags: journey+inside+my+mind, journeyinsidemymind, jimm, daniel+johnson+jr, commute, creativity, idea+generation, cincinnati, dayton, podcasting

Mood: medicated
Listening to: Jennie getting ready for work, Keisha getting ready for bed
Eating: turkey, dressing, broccoli, carrots
Watching: Treasure Planet

A similar post at Across the Pond! gave me the idea to do this post:

30 years ago. My mom and dad got divorced. I was 6 and my sister was 4. We moved in with Mom, and I abruptly switched school. I was in the 1st grade.

20 years ago. The Challenger space shuttle blew up. I was a sophomore in high school. My favorite class was English with Ms. Phillips. She made us write 1-page position papers. After the space shuttle blew up, I wrote a poem called “Confusion” and left it under my chair. Ms. Phillips found it and gave it back to me, showing her appreciation.

15 years ago. I had turned 21 years old. For my birthday my housemates took me out to an early dinner, and I got a martini or something to drink. I was working in the Detroit, Michigan area as part of the co-op program for engineering at the University of Cincinnati. I felt alone and needed God.

10 years ago. Jennie and I were about to celebrate our 1-year anniversary in Dayton, Ohio. We went on vacation back to Detroit, Michigan, came home and bought our first set of furniture. Later that year, we found out Jennie was pregnant.

5 years ago. I was working as a IT consultant in the Cincinnat and Dayton areas. We had moved back to Dayton after buying a house. I was working in Cincinnati on September 11th, and I wound up leaving work early to be with Jennie and Keisha.

3 years ago. I’d been blogging for over a year. I was battling another sinus infection. Dayton, Ohio was celebrating the 100th anniversary of flight. Jennie and I saw The Matrix: Reloaded.

Last year. We had just gotten a cat and were trying to get used to her. Sith happened. Things were a little subdued at work. The weather was unseasonably cold, and I was congested.

This year. I’ve been podcasting for almost 9 months. Our car died. I became an uncle-again. I’ve had some serious back pain and got a lumbar injection. Millions of people around the world celebrated my birthday by eating colored hard-boiled eggs, candy, and going to worship at the church of their choice.

Yesterday. It was unseasonably cold. I got an upper respiratory infection, and spent most of the day in bed.

Today. I went to the doctor and found out I have an upper respiratory infection and an earache. I spent most of the day in bed.

Tomorrow. Probably more of the same. Our apartment complex is having a yard sale.

In this audio post I read another original poem about dealing with perfectionism:

You can read the full text of this poem at Streams of Consciousness | Broken Things.

In this audio post we take a detour over to one of my other blogs and read and original poem:

To read the original poem entitled “The Phone Rings”, head over to the corresponding post at Streams of Consciousness | The Phone Rings.

Mood: Deliberate

Listening to: Local album-oriented rock station, WTUE, 104.7

Reading: GIS for Everyone

Eating: bran cereal with raisins

Watching: Man on Fire, starring Denzel Washington

Thanks. I think it’s interesting to review the recent referrer log:

• My Life, the blog of Karen Rasmussen, who happens to be the Official Goof of Journey Inside My Mind
• Unravelled, the blog of IreneQ, who happens to be the Official Blogger of Introspection of Journey Inside My Mind
• Yahoo Search: Does Mary Kate Olsen Self-Injure
• Yahoo Search: A Journey Through My Mind
• Blogzil, a blog about all things Brazil
• A blog that shows mostly ‘?’ to me
• Blogger Home Page
• Yahoo Search: Information on jr tolkien, as opposed to J.R. Ewing, I guess
• Dan’s Links, a page containing a lot of my favorite links
• Google Search: Dan Johnson Jr — I would be he
• Google Search: “not all who wander are lost” bible — not in the Bible, but currently in the Title bar of this blog, yep
• Yahoo search: it’s not about the destination, but the journey along the way quotes — hmm, that might make a good tagline…
• Google Search: rich hopkins whio: at one time Rich Hopkins had a talk show on the local talk radio station WHIO
• Yahoo search: all about Mary-kate and Ashley Olsen’s family (mom, dad, and stepmother): you know, there’s not a lot of info about them in this blog, but I suppose my incessant acknowledgement of that fact encourages further inquiry, huh?
• Google Search: dan johnson: that’s my name (and that of others, too)
• Dashbar Search: dan johnson
• Google Search: inside my mind videos- nope, none of that here
• Google Search: Dan Johnson — apparently someone likes searching my name
• Blogger Profile Page for Dan Johnson – where you’ll see fun facts about me that you can use to amaze your friends
• Overture Search (via NetZero): uncle sam’s almanac
• Google Search: compulsive scab picking
• Google Search: captain kirk captain’s log
• Yahoo Search: Steeler Christmas Songs
• A Little Ludwig Goes A Long Way, blog by John Ludwig, an alumnus from The Ohio State University, specific link to Ohio jokes
• Yahoo Search: inside the mind of a person who don’t know whether to be with the Lord or not
• Google Search: scab picking
• Blog: Hot or Not? — steaming, baby, steaming
• Popdex citation: cleaning pennies with taco sauce – just in case you ever have the need
• We’re Taking Bets That… this blog is humorous and intelligent enough to link to me – 8D!
• MSN Search: Journey inside
• Yahoo Search: tim lake blog ohio
• My Web Search: journeyinsidemymind.blogspot.com – found me you have
• Google Search: scab picking
• Yahoo Search: johnson Suicide september 2004
• Yahoo Search: bank tellers replace by automated teller machine year 2000
• Yahoo Search: mary-kate olsen’s mysterious scar
• Letters to God, one-sided communication between me and my God
• MSN Search: Wander Guard Departure Alert Systems Portable Series
• Google Search: “tooth came out” tugging
• Bionic Ear Blog, meryl’s experience of gaining a new and improved ear via a cochlear implant
• Yahoo search: tolkien sweet is the sound of the pouring rain
• Wal*Mart Connect Search: free internet call waiting
• Google Search: “dan johnson” bipolar
• AvantFind: aerobatic clip movie
• Yahoo Search: poem for an 60 year old grandpa that a child would say to their grandpa
• Frequently Asked Questions – danimal0416, where you can find the answer to those burning questions about me
• Yahoo Search: burlap to cashmere free download of basic instructions
• Yahoo search: “obsessive compulsive disorder” “children”
• Google Search: celebrity for a day who would you choose and why
• Johnson Family Home Page
• MSN Search: superbowl 36 halftime u2 songs played
• Yahoo Search: the percentage of obese people in the United States of America in the year 2004
• Start.shaw.ca Search: What we are inside
• MSN Search: “Mary Kate Olsen” “eating disorder” assess
• Google Search: so angry
• Google Search: my mind is my light

Rob’s Amazing Poem Generator produced this poem, based on this blog:

Journey Inside My ! life, Bene Diction

Blogs On

Scab Picking So incredible ! ! ! !

You would do work I cannot

control/I can control I am so much

more

on his roommate Matt H. yesterday

morning, to tease him and the place Let

me Myself, am so sorry, the Official Mom

Happy

birthday!card,

write so much time The voice

of the earth will be crossposted

to you, need to work? at

the bathroom,

and soda, which help create rounded corners depend

on the trimmings. The Israelites did that

I would ask The

weekend and so we switched from it */ I told her

eye thus

saith Dan Johnson, Jr. Jazzmania

Productions, Ltd. Keeping the Past Week

I was in place.

It’s been 18 years since we saw the space shuttle Challenger burst into flames during its liftoff January 28, 1986: I remember hearing about it from a classmate in high school, and thinking he was out of his mind. My dad later confirmed it as he picked me up from the library, where I’d walked after school.

• Last year’s remarks in the ‘Journey’
• Confusion, a poem I wrote January 28, 1986, the day after the disaster
• It’s a bit ironic that this article about the ill-fated shuttle Columbia appeared in the news this time last year.

Continuing the Journey

Tomorrow I have a therapist appointment. I posted some thoughts in a poem entitled “Reflection” to “Streams of Consciousness”.

At the last meeting, the therapist recommended I get some “stress balls” to keep my hands busy instead of picking. I did that, and, if I have them nearby, I’ve found them to be helpful.

Speaking of Self-Injury, I found this great article entitled “When Pain Is All You Have,” which you may want to read to get a better understanding of self harm. I also found this article/message board thread on WebMD that contains ways others keep themselves safe (i.e., what to do instead of self-injury).

Note: the next few paragraphs contain details of self harm and may contain triggers for those who may be vulnerable.

Last night, however, I started messing with a scab on my wrist. It was close to being healed, and I started picking the scab off it. Eventually, I saw that if I continued to squeeze the area, the blood blister underneath would pop. It did. Then I saw how thick the scarry skin around the scab was. I decided to bite it in order to make it smoother. Of course there was some bleeding.

I looked for the hydrogen peroxide, which I usually administer after an episode like this, but I couldn’t find it. I took a wad of toilet paper, soaked it in cold water, and applied it to the wound so that the bleeding would slow and stop. Then I found the Band-Aid™ Liquid Bandage kit and applied the liquid bandage to the area.